Sunday the 13th of November, 2005
She carves in touch on her palm, hiding the curves and sensuality from the sight of her addressee even as the sounding out of counting falls from her lips.
Five, fifteen plus a half, nineteen seventeen, how much for each banana. As if the transaction must be logged from the left hand to the right, the right to the left. Voiced all the while, her voice a wall, obscuring the effective incantation.
It is this much she says, in spite of the the other prices it could be.
It is this much and no more, on account of my left hand has audited my mental calculations by way of my right.
She is accounting for so much more, one would assume from her sleight of hand, than the mere calibration of numbers.
She is keeping a tally of the bruises on the air, as we talk, as we walk, as we cast things aside without a second glance. She picks them out, guitarist of the things we don't make manifest, and reassures her self before any money has passed over her palm, of what has amounted and what it has amounted to.
I want her to grab my hand and imprint the truth into my self, make her ramblings a path over the mountains. I don't think she can tell me anything, but what she tells herself, I want to know.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Several cameras
Wednesday the ninth of November, 2005
What did I reveal when I showed you something? What did you see when I spoke my mind? Where did you take me, that walk in that light afternoon?
We stayed indoors and I played the piano. I always play the piano, I'm boring like that. I don't rise to your expectations. And I'm flatter than a book.
Which part of me glinted, in your eye, what dust was there that knew to be irritated? Which are the bits that I have the other bits of, that I don't get and didn't see? When I say we had a good time and the glow is the glow of a distinct constellation, is it anything like a galaxy for you, or a gap between sandwiches?
We
Why do you do this?
See you when I see you.
Yes.
What if I am not who you think I am. Who is flummoxed?
Of course you aren't who I think you are. Or you, you. Or you, me. Or me, me.
Being and showing and looking. Generally, I'm looking to the stars. Or just away. You know that, you're with me, I'm looking away when we're together. So are you. And then you tell me what you see, and show me what you know. That's how we know each other.
Together let's go on an expedition. We'll have to spend money and consider an itinerary and probably get joint provisions. And it will be in the future. Some kind of solid projection. We might even have to involve an intermediary. A travel agent or something. And know that when it comes to the pilot, it has nothing to do with trust. And develop pictures that show what happened that have nothing to do with what it was like.
What did I reveal when I showed you something? What did you see when I spoke my mind? Where did you take me, that walk in that light afternoon?
We stayed indoors and I played the piano. I always play the piano, I'm boring like that. I don't rise to your expectations. And I'm flatter than a book.
Which part of me glinted, in your eye, what dust was there that knew to be irritated? Which are the bits that I have the other bits of, that I don't get and didn't see? When I say we had a good time and the glow is the glow of a distinct constellation, is it anything like a galaxy for you, or a gap between sandwiches?
We
Why do you do this?
See you when I see you.
Yes.
What if I am not who you think I am. Who is flummoxed?
Of course you aren't who I think you are. Or you, you. Or you, me. Or me, me.
Being and showing and looking. Generally, I'm looking to the stars. Or just away. You know that, you're with me, I'm looking away when we're together. So are you. And then you tell me what you see, and show me what you know. That's how we know each other.
Together let's go on an expedition. We'll have to spend money and consider an itinerary and probably get joint provisions. And it will be in the future. Some kind of solid projection. We might even have to involve an intermediary. A travel agent or something. And know that when it comes to the pilot, it has nothing to do with trust. And develop pictures that show what happened that have nothing to do with what it was like.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Worn through
Saturday, the 4th of November
Deep, dark, rich, scratchy neckwear. Woolen smoke and mulberry; knotted silk like cresting waves and guano; this cravat a rainbow of memories cold-pressed, photo-pristine, shabby and loved. Shabby but loved. LOVED. Did I yell that? It's the scarf, the warmth-giver, protecting my voice, my heart, blazening my intentions all over the show.
Flat skirts, box-stencilled, the order of heritage worn by girls, only girls, a garment that is a telescope into a fundamental aesthetic.
Deep, dark, rich, scratchy neckwear. Woolen smoke and mulberry; knotted silk like cresting waves and guano; this cravat a rainbow of memories cold-pressed, photo-pristine, shabby and loved. Shabby but loved. LOVED. Did I yell that? It's the scarf, the warmth-giver, protecting my voice, my heart, blazening my intentions all over the show.
Flat skirts, box-stencilled, the order of heritage worn by girls, only girls, a garment that is a telescope into a fundamental aesthetic.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
what there is to have
saturday, october 21st
There is acid in the wind today. There is more phlegm in the spittle on the pavement. There is a heavy violet greasiness to the waft of product that remains like an unwanted hand on my shoulder from passing by the groups of haircutted yuppie-emulators. There is a wolvish honesty that the sharp drop in temperature has brought out from the practised protocol behind the smiles.
"Hello." You sound like a violin out of tune.
In summer, the new arrivals mistook it for a yodel of introduction.
Now it is yelp of that bastard inequality. We are all piano tuners under the skin, we've been pitched into unease.
Now is the time to refashion yourself into a Russian, what? English? it does not turn my head, does not resonate with me, I have no response, and you are left there, breathing your own air. How does that taste? While then, a ripple of reassessment mellifluates everybody; the terms of composure are dwelt upon.
Sometimes a non--answer makes you investigate the question. Warm your heart, cool your blood, come back from the frost, blink.
There is acid in the wind today. There is more phlegm in the spittle on the pavement. There is a heavy violet greasiness to the waft of product that remains like an unwanted hand on my shoulder from passing by the groups of haircutted yuppie-emulators. There is a wolvish honesty that the sharp drop in temperature has brought out from the practised protocol behind the smiles.
"Hello." You sound like a violin out of tune.
In summer, the new arrivals mistook it for a yodel of introduction.
Now it is yelp of that bastard inequality. We are all piano tuners under the skin, we've been pitched into unease.
Now is the time to refashion yourself into a Russian, what? English? it does not turn my head, does not resonate with me, I have no response, and you are left there, breathing your own air. How does that taste? While then, a ripple of reassessment mellifluates everybody; the terms of composure are dwelt upon.
Sometimes a non--answer makes you investigate the question. Warm your heart, cool your blood, come back from the frost, blink.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
frame
thursday, october 13th
"... is only one child and they keep getting born over and over and what makes different people is the lives and the conditions of living. So "different people" just means different versions of the person, of all what it can mean to be a person. Like the one child has split and is dealing with fractions of themselves. Or is dealing with themselves on a time-fractured basis. And the loop of population, no I mean demographics, ok, ok, no, both and also a general climate of social conditions, what if that looping is a self-referential and sensitive logarithm?"
Why do I have to be held back by the maths teacher and be the last one on the bus and have to sit next to Max?
Why today?
And I'm certainly not going to put a why question to Max.
I mean, it's interesting talking when it's summer and we're on the trampoline and the universe is really big and it's easy to think and talk like this. That's one thing. But dude not here and now.
I'm on the bus going home and your clothes are stateless, they are refugee clothes, man, you really should be a little more aware.
and I look out of the window and am confronted by squares. Everywhere man, just like every shape of thing I see out there is a collection of squares and, if not square, a whole damn lot of right angles.
I've been doing that a lot lately, feeling smacked over the head with squares every time I open my eyes and the teachers at school got a snitch, like pack mentality, about where my eyes are. I mean, they say, about me not paying attention. In class. But I can hear and think and look just fine justthe same on separate tracks.
I'm kind of noticeable to teachers, or they have radar for when my eyes are either not on them or the board. Or on my desk.
I like being in lessons and it's kind of soothing hearing an adult's voice making continuous connections for like, thirty minutes, even when they repeat themselves. And as more and more arrangements of squares keep coming into view, I have additional draws to my attention and the thing is they're on a grid, so moving your head, it's like all the crystals get redrawn. And the teachers don't like it. They start holding you after class and blaming things on things. Now, that, I don't know why. If it was last summer I would ask Max and he might talk it through like he knew.
But what with all the squares in sight at the moment, what am I going to do, not notice them?
"... is only one child and they keep getting born over and over and what makes different people is the lives and the conditions of living. So "different people" just means different versions of the person, of all what it can mean to be a person. Like the one child has split and is dealing with fractions of themselves. Or is dealing with themselves on a time-fractured basis. And the loop of population, no I mean demographics, ok, ok, no, both and also a general climate of social conditions, what if that looping is a self-referential and sensitive logarithm?"
Why do I have to be held back by the maths teacher and be the last one on the bus and have to sit next to Max?
Why today?
And I'm certainly not going to put a why question to Max.
I mean, it's interesting talking when it's summer and we're on the trampoline and the universe is really big and it's easy to think and talk like this. That's one thing. But dude not here and now.
I'm on the bus going home and your clothes are stateless, they are refugee clothes, man, you really should be a little more aware.
and I look out of the window and am confronted by squares. Everywhere man, just like every shape of thing I see out there is a collection of squares and, if not square, a whole damn lot of right angles.
I've been doing that a lot lately, feeling smacked over the head with squares every time I open my eyes and the teachers at school got a snitch, like pack mentality, about where my eyes are. I mean, they say, about me not paying attention. In class. But I can hear and think and look just fine justthe same on separate tracks.
I'm kind of noticeable to teachers, or they have radar for when my eyes are either not on them or the board. Or on my desk.
I like being in lessons and it's kind of soothing hearing an adult's voice making continuous connections for like, thirty minutes, even when they repeat themselves. And as more and more arrangements of squares keep coming into view, I have additional draws to my attention and the thing is they're on a grid, so moving your head, it's like all the crystals get redrawn. And the teachers don't like it. They start holding you after class and blaming things on things. Now, that, I don't know why. If it was last summer I would ask Max and he might talk it through like he knew.
But what with all the squares in sight at the moment, what am I going to do, not notice them?
Friday, September 30, 2005
From The Talking Horse and the Sad Girl and the Village Under the Sea by Mark Haddon
This Poem is Certificate 18
When you open a collection of poetry or attend a reading you need to know that the poems you choose to read or hear are suitable for the audience.
To help you understand what a poem is like you can look at the certificate it has been given. This poem has been classified as 18. That means this poem is unsuitable for anyone younger than 18.
A poem with an 18 certificate may contain scenes of a violent nature. Carlos de Sessa burning at the stake, for example, his hot fat bubbling like porridge. Or Erymas, stabbed in the mouth, the blade smashing clean through to the brain so that teeth, bone and blood spray from his ruptured face. The slow death of a parent, often from cancer, is particularly common.
There may be sex, too. A man may be sucked off in a McDonald's en route to the airport, a babysitter may masturbate on the kiln-fired tiles of her employers' bathroom and an arsehole may be described in more detail than is necessary. The word "cunt" may be used.
In a poem with an 18 certificate the syntax may be knottier and the meaning more opaque than in light, narrative or straightforward lyric verse. A phrase may have as many as four different interpretations, all intended for more or less simultaneous comprehension. Conversely, when the hedged sun draws into itself for self-quenching and these modalities stoop to re-enter the subterrane of faith, the intention may simply be to confuse the less intelligent reader. Sometimes a line or phrase is used simply because "it sounded right".
A poem with an 18 certificate may be written according to occult rules which are not made available to the reader. A parallel universe may be assumed wherein the expanded inkling undergoes an allusion and, at the climax of frogging, binges in the Bermuda. Some 18 certificate poems purport to be translations of work by Finnish and Romanian poets who do not, in fact, exist. In others a lightbulb may be granted sentience.
Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out. Unlike plumbing and dentistry, however, poetry is slow, frustrating and poorly rewarded work which fails more often than it succeeds and is therefore embarked upon largely by men and women labouring under a sense of almost religious vocation, grandiose self-delusion or some combination of both. As a result, many poems with an 18 certificate are written by people whose minds you may not wish to enter.
The language of a poem with an 18 certificate may be denser and more powerful than the language you are used to dealing with. And though it makes nothing happen it may, like a piece of ice on a hot stove, ride its own melting into your soul and bring you face to face with the madness of space.
It is an offence to read or supply a poem classified as 18 to anyone below that age.
Poetry certificates are there to help you make the right choice.
When you open a collection of poetry or attend a reading you need to know that the poems you choose to read or hear are suitable for the audience.
To help you understand what a poem is like you can look at the certificate it has been given. This poem has been classified as 18. That means this poem is unsuitable for anyone younger than 18.
A poem with an 18 certificate may contain scenes of a violent nature. Carlos de Sessa burning at the stake, for example, his hot fat bubbling like porridge. Or Erymas, stabbed in the mouth, the blade smashing clean through to the brain so that teeth, bone and blood spray from his ruptured face. The slow death of a parent, often from cancer, is particularly common.
There may be sex, too. A man may be sucked off in a McDonald's en route to the airport, a babysitter may masturbate on the kiln-fired tiles of her employers' bathroom and an arsehole may be described in more detail than is necessary. The word "cunt" may be used.
In a poem with an 18 certificate the syntax may be knottier and the meaning more opaque than in light, narrative or straightforward lyric verse. A phrase may have as many as four different interpretations, all intended for more or less simultaneous comprehension. Conversely, when the hedged sun draws into itself for self-quenching and these modalities stoop to re-enter the subterrane of faith, the intention may simply be to confuse the less intelligent reader. Sometimes a line or phrase is used simply because "it sounded right".
A poem with an 18 certificate may be written according to occult rules which are not made available to the reader. A parallel universe may be assumed wherein the expanded inkling undergoes an allusion and, at the climax of frogging, binges in the Bermuda. Some 18 certificate poems purport to be translations of work by Finnish and Romanian poets who do not, in fact, exist. In others a lightbulb may be granted sentience.
Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out. Unlike plumbing and dentistry, however, poetry is slow, frustrating and poorly rewarded work which fails more often than it succeeds and is therefore embarked upon largely by men and women labouring under a sense of almost religious vocation, grandiose self-delusion or some combination of both. As a result, many poems with an 18 certificate are written by people whose minds you may not wish to enter.
The language of a poem with an 18 certificate may be denser and more powerful than the language you are used to dealing with. And though it makes nothing happen it may, like a piece of ice on a hot stove, ride its own melting into your soul and bring you face to face with the madness of space.
It is an offence to read or supply a poem classified as 18 to anyone below that age.
Poetry certificates are there to help you make the right choice.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
servitude
Saturday, September 17th, 2005
might I suggest she said i love you and leave it at that
well that was how she poured coffee, that waitress whose collar was creased so sharp you knew she was wearing the shirt for the duration - but it was early only Tuesday - sprayed wet and ironed in the important places.
Funny, these outlines of people, "waitress", her attire a line-drawing of a coffee pourer, taking notes on floppy paper. Dark hair.
leaving and returning, that was what she did and how she did it, pouring coffee we didn't want into our stained cups
when she spoke, we looked at her, and suddenly she blurred into the haze of cosy ambience, less outlined than imprinted against the circus poster prints, the dragonfly lighting
and Carlos couldn't disagree.
His MO like his DNA was impervious to her guile. He was the one dealing with the object of his affections, and he was it had to be said, by me, who had been listening to an everbuilding code of versions and episodes as they worked their way through his emotions and psyche, my hardworking friend who could only take so much, being dealt to by a master operator.
so anybody could suggest anything, because advice is only offered. It's a very light thing, comparably, wrapped up in sparkly paper. But you know, and Carlos I think felt it, because it occupied a lot of his time this relationship, that the material form of a thing has no bearing on it's use in any situation, it is not an all-purpose measurement, the dimensions of a thing.
Carlos had to fit his intentions to the will of another human being (mentioned earlier I do believe).
As sensible as those words were, as perfectly formed a statement as it was, Carlos could not simply say truth in as loose afashion as that. By all accounts, it would be a betrayal of the web they spun together, and here he was just trying to give a little struggle free of the stickiness of the relationship to a sympathetic, that is to say, silent, ear (me). So he just smiled and we ordered moccacinos to walk out into the night with.
might I suggest she said i love you and leave it at that
well that was how she poured coffee, that waitress whose collar was creased so sharp you knew she was wearing the shirt for the duration - but it was early only Tuesday - sprayed wet and ironed in the important places.
Funny, these outlines of people, "waitress", her attire a line-drawing of a coffee pourer, taking notes on floppy paper. Dark hair.
leaving and returning, that was what she did and how she did it, pouring coffee we didn't want into our stained cups
when she spoke, we looked at her, and suddenly she blurred into the haze of cosy ambience, less outlined than imprinted against the circus poster prints, the dragonfly lighting
and Carlos couldn't disagree.
His MO like his DNA was impervious to her guile. He was the one dealing with the object of his affections, and he was it had to be said, by me, who had been listening to an everbuilding code of versions and episodes as they worked their way through his emotions and psyche, my hardworking friend who could only take so much, being dealt to by a master operator.
so anybody could suggest anything, because advice is only offered. It's a very light thing, comparably, wrapped up in sparkly paper. But you know, and Carlos I think felt it, because it occupied a lot of his time this relationship, that the material form of a thing has no bearing on it's use in any situation, it is not an all-purpose measurement, the dimensions of a thing.
Carlos had to fit his intentions to the will of another human being (mentioned earlier I do believe).
As sensible as those words were, as perfectly formed a statement as it was, Carlos could not simply say truth in as loose afashion as that. By all accounts, it would be a betrayal of the web they spun together, and here he was just trying to give a little struggle free of the stickiness of the relationship to a sympathetic, that is to say, silent, ear (me). So he just smiled and we ordered moccacinos to walk out into the night with.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
what is water asked the child
tuesday, the thirteenth of September
water is what makes everything work. It runs between and keeps everything running. Water is the clearest of evidences on the capacity of boundary, as a theoretical term, and it is resplendent in it's permeability.
Impermeable is an example of vanity. Isn't everything permeable?
The degrees to which things are unitary, are 'not-the-other'; the quality of the persuasion which will resonate with their structures; what are these if not instances, faceted through sensory perception: reductions from the entity of life: a formulaic partiality?
These are what they are and highly dissolvable, increasingly submerged. They are what they are and absorbed or exposed, they come from the genesis of water.
water is what makes everything work. It runs between and keeps everything running. Water is the clearest of evidences on the capacity of boundary, as a theoretical term, and it is resplendent in it's permeability.
Impermeable is an example of vanity. Isn't everything permeable?
The degrees to which things are unitary, are 'not-the-other'; the quality of the persuasion which will resonate with their structures; what are these if not instances, faceted through sensory perception: reductions from the entity of life: a formulaic partiality?
These are what they are and highly dissolvable, increasingly submerged. They are what they are and absorbed or exposed, they come from the genesis of water.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
attenuating circumstances
Saturday, the 3rd of September
how many people are going to be awake like they are the only ones, moving like they are a minority within a routinely sleeping group?
what are the dimensions of this solidarity?
worldwide, between the ones who feel their solitude acutely and come socket-to-blade keen in connivance with the boundaries of their impulses and the ghostly framework of solitary agitation?
how even when it's happening it has the quality of memory and how your feelings whisper into the atolls of the nerves of feeling which are tenuous at this time because even while they are as clear as they are, in this ante-time they are liable to become something else as you squint or swing it.
how many people are going to be awake like they are the only ones, moving like they are a minority within a routinely sleeping group?
what are the dimensions of this solidarity?
worldwide, between the ones who feel their solitude acutely and come socket-to-blade keen in connivance with the boundaries of their impulses and the ghostly framework of solitary agitation?
how even when it's happening it has the quality of memory and how your feelings whisper into the atolls of the nerves of feeling which are tenuous at this time because even while they are as clear as they are, in this ante-time they are liable to become something else as you squint or swing it.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
lifts you up
Tuesday, August the 23rd
perched before the tide, on fine sand, blonde like the mats whose strings hoisted them lightly concordant with the sun in the South China Sea, on this afternoon and this island where it was happening, the barbeque began to rustle, the air rose, the concrete kept its amusement to itself, flat beneath the chef's weight, strewn with cotton about its pillars, our pavillion accomodated the light breaths that remained with all the people who had flown to be here.
perched before the tide, on fine sand, blonde like the mats whose strings hoisted them lightly concordant with the sun in the South China Sea, on this afternoon and this island where it was happening, the barbeque began to rustle, the air rose, the concrete kept its amusement to itself, flat beneath the chef's weight, strewn with cotton about its pillars, our pavillion accomodated the light breaths that remained with all the people who had flown to be here.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
being here and being able
saturday, the 30th of July
The feeling was as though the blood at the tops of her legs was on spin-cycle. She stopped just before apartments, where the parking space flattened out the tarmac, and the white-blindness came on. Blank flakes beyond which the world escaped its pictures. Her own hands appeared to be insubstantial. And yet she recognised this feeling as being alive, her blood being rediverted along all the routes that kept her alive, operating on such a precise level of efficiency that she experienced the dips in availability fully and visceral. The warmth of the sun on her skin came justly, into her fingers even, and it was welcome. She seemed to be running a slight temperature these days that cooperated pleasingly with the outside weather conditions. Her heartbeat sped up to a count of 5 for each in breath and decreased markedly to 2 for every out. It was like running a tap through a sensitive hose and being able to monitor all manner of readjustments the intelligent liquid within the casing was making. Yes, indeed it was, she thought, it was like being able to do both these things simultaneously. The pounding behind her ears, where her neck became her skull bucket, would soon subside, swoosh into a resting frequency, she would think it had stopped. The general faintness would pass into a lightness of being and she could set off down the dry-cleaning street feeling happier and happier at being here and being able. There is a trick of letting the optimum time evolve so that she can walk the length of the apartments in the sunshine having had the more insistently mechanical preparations of her body dissipate prior to turning left into the oncoming at full stride. No counting, just breathe through it.
The feeling was as though the blood at the tops of her legs was on spin-cycle. She stopped just before apartments, where the parking space flattened out the tarmac, and the white-blindness came on. Blank flakes beyond which the world escaped its pictures. Her own hands appeared to be insubstantial. And yet she recognised this feeling as being alive, her blood being rediverted along all the routes that kept her alive, operating on such a precise level of efficiency that she experienced the dips in availability fully and visceral. The warmth of the sun on her skin came justly, into her fingers even, and it was welcome. She seemed to be running a slight temperature these days that cooperated pleasingly with the outside weather conditions. Her heartbeat sped up to a count of 5 for each in breath and decreased markedly to 2 for every out. It was like running a tap through a sensitive hose and being able to monitor all manner of readjustments the intelligent liquid within the casing was making. Yes, indeed it was, she thought, it was like being able to do both these things simultaneously. The pounding behind her ears, where her neck became her skull bucket, would soon subside, swoosh into a resting frequency, she would think it had stopped. The general faintness would pass into a lightness of being and she could set off down the dry-cleaning street feeling happier and happier at being here and being able. There is a trick of letting the optimum time evolve so that she can walk the length of the apartments in the sunshine having had the more insistently mechanical preparations of her body dissipate prior to turning left into the oncoming at full stride. No counting, just breathe through it.
Monday, July 25, 2005
light fantastic
Monday the 25th of July
the pudgy hands from under the computer console, jerking the other one off, in the cartel of childhood, always must playact, complete with the mock authority voice, the brusque ineffectual smacking away, well aimed slaps, but the legs remain, the legs are out of combat, you know we know you know where the fidelity lies.
and it makes me an anger of sorts, because the deflective sensationalism that makes up most of the reportage on this subject, has groomed indignation to be the first reponse, and in a process of misnaming and batting all the little cruxes that build the symmetry of encroachment and complicity and release and relief away, makes it a vortex of common sense hermetically sealed.
look at me, the kids are screaming. they shriek it. there is a vein of laughter within it, you know the cunning laughter that is closely tempered to cleverness as it winds itself around revelation upon revelation. look at us , we are hurting the other, look at our bad behaviour, you are not invited to our bad behaviour, this is private, this is our choice, look at us. this is private, look at us.
ha, got you there. but nobody has been got, the conventions of respect, autonomy, expression, and protection have got themselves into a tangle in the uncertain terrain of responsability.
to be frank, i am not interested, i know this memory of shadowy anger to be a fake.
i remember maths lessons with clarity here, and water polo, and ballet classes before the teacher arrived, and scavenger animals caught by children beside the club kitchens, and the coldness in my eyes wanting to scream at the white fuck up by the blackboard. Don't be ludicrous. abstract thought and general principals, are an odd screen for an immediate education in neglect and blindness.
So much is a product of bad behaviour. The conditions of today are the product of an earlier set of circumstances. Something happened to somebody once, sort of thing. Things like this will keep on happening, to you, by you, by me, for me, for the ancestors, because it's good for you, because you deserve it, because this is who you are, because this is who we are, for no reason, why are you asking so many questions, why are you asking such stupid questions.
Mothers who cannot protect their children for one - who are mothers today because they were unprotected and who receive no societal fortification today, cut down and endlessly self-justifying. Subscribing to rationalisations for their own inferiority, invented by the people whose existence they support.
the pudgy hands from under the computer console, jerking the other one off, in the cartel of childhood, always must playact, complete with the mock authority voice, the brusque ineffectual smacking away, well aimed slaps, but the legs remain, the legs are out of combat, you know we know you know where the fidelity lies.
and it makes me an anger of sorts, because the deflective sensationalism that makes up most of the reportage on this subject, has groomed indignation to be the first reponse, and in a process of misnaming and batting all the little cruxes that build the symmetry of encroachment and complicity and release and relief away, makes it a vortex of common sense hermetically sealed.
look at me, the kids are screaming. they shriek it. there is a vein of laughter within it, you know the cunning laughter that is closely tempered to cleverness as it winds itself around revelation upon revelation. look at us , we are hurting the other, look at our bad behaviour, you are not invited to our bad behaviour, this is private, this is our choice, look at us. this is private, look at us.
ha, got you there. but nobody has been got, the conventions of respect, autonomy, expression, and protection have got themselves into a tangle in the uncertain terrain of responsability.
to be frank, i am not interested, i know this memory of shadowy anger to be a fake.
i remember maths lessons with clarity here, and water polo, and ballet classes before the teacher arrived, and scavenger animals caught by children beside the club kitchens, and the coldness in my eyes wanting to scream at the white fuck up by the blackboard. Don't be ludicrous. abstract thought and general principals, are an odd screen for an immediate education in neglect and blindness.
So much is a product of bad behaviour. The conditions of today are the product of an earlier set of circumstances. Something happened to somebody once, sort of thing. Things like this will keep on happening, to you, by you, by me, for me, for the ancestors, because it's good for you, because you deserve it, because this is who you are, because this is who we are, for no reason, why are you asking so many questions, why are you asking such stupid questions.
Mothers who cannot protect their children for one - who are mothers today because they were unprotected and who receive no societal fortification today, cut down and endlessly self-justifying. Subscribing to rationalisations for their own inferiority, invented by the people whose existence they support.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
mechanical wings and solider things
agate husked beetle
animate
on red granite
the tiny resolution of rock crumbling the slab cut in heat and water
as impartial as each other
animate
on red granite
the tiny resolution of rock crumbling the slab cut in heat and water
as impartial as each other
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Which brings me to "Sah
saturday the 1st of July
Blatant
is hollywood as selfdestructuve as to advertise it's own crapness in the tidal wave of crapness currently washing over the neon plastic cinema houses, in crap areas of the world where the people are supposedly sub-optimal and thus receptive to cinematic representations of themselves as disposable sidewatchers, invisable, unwarranted until they are patronised.
Blatant
the abscess of a hero (what, you thought i was going to say absence?) coupled to anthemic music to which the lyrics "Make Way for the Idiot" are too easily fitted might actually be by design.
The storytellers-elect are embarked on increasingly bloody and violent creation myths. Bang an empty oildrum 'why don't you?' for all the hollow resonance they provide. If you are accustomed to recognising the stirrings of a redemptive heart at the existential cavity of human endeavours, the redundant premise of soulless mirth (yes i think i bled that phrase from somewhere else) is faintly disturbung and highly destructive and as insulting as it is possible to be - as the bigot castigates the seagull.
Repulsive crapulous crapsousity, crapscular extrapolations from a mind unsatisfied by it's inability to relate to the social space in which it's physical body receives information on which meanings are ascribed to it. And so whole fake epics are knocked up whose only message is to herald the haggard ego of somebody's child who cannot fathom his relationship to his penis. Skin-numbingly arrogant aggressive spiels of all things under the sun as manipulated by a one-eyed belief in them as functions of an appendage. And fanaticata, ad nauseum, a scary appendage.
I have never met an American who didn't seem normal, but yet there seems to be an institutional obstacle so that the experience of empathy eludes them. Maybe, in addition to not hearing the voices of those in the conversation with them, their own voices and words are deafened by the din of their ideology. They do seem to have a ideology that blocks out the actual living realities and subtleties and delights and sensitivities and the possibilities of diverse and responsive proclivities to keenness. One that kind of pfluffs like a fat yellow cushion inside their minds and callously invalidates independant expression and meta-systemic organisation.
Yes, it is true that I never want to go to America for this reason; that from the pallor of their skin and the quality of their eyes (dull, it seems to me and that is a cause for concern), and from the arrangement of their skeletons (the girth of their bones perceptibly augmented), their food sources are acting upon the population an experiment, or several ill-thought-through experiments on biodiversity, on behaviour. A commercially readjusted pseudo-controlled reality.
It makes my skin numb with the aggressive arrogance of it all, and I am disconcerted by the obtuseness of Americans that I know.
Ponder the attempts some people make to respect and give respect to those who do not respect them.
Blatant
is hollywood as selfdestructuve as to advertise it's own crapness in the tidal wave of crapness currently washing over the neon plastic cinema houses, in crap areas of the world where the people are supposedly sub-optimal and thus receptive to cinematic representations of themselves as disposable sidewatchers, invisable, unwarranted until they are patronised.
Blatant
the abscess of a hero (what, you thought i was going to say absence?) coupled to anthemic music to which the lyrics "Make Way for the Idiot" are too easily fitted might actually be by design.
The storytellers-elect are embarked on increasingly bloody and violent creation myths. Bang an empty oildrum 'why don't you?' for all the hollow resonance they provide. If you are accustomed to recognising the stirrings of a redemptive heart at the existential cavity of human endeavours, the redundant premise of soulless mirth (yes i think i bled that phrase from somewhere else) is faintly disturbung and highly destructive and as insulting as it is possible to be - as the bigot castigates the seagull.
Repulsive crapulous crapsousity, crapscular extrapolations from a mind unsatisfied by it's inability to relate to the social space in which it's physical body receives information on which meanings are ascribed to it. And so whole fake epics are knocked up whose only message is to herald the haggard ego of somebody's child who cannot fathom his relationship to his penis. Skin-numbingly arrogant aggressive spiels of all things under the sun as manipulated by a one-eyed belief in them as functions of an appendage. And fanaticata, ad nauseum, a scary appendage.
I have never met an American who didn't seem normal, but yet there seems to be an institutional obstacle so that the experience of empathy eludes them. Maybe, in addition to not hearing the voices of those in the conversation with them, their own voices and words are deafened by the din of their ideology. They do seem to have a ideology that blocks out the actual living realities and subtleties and delights and sensitivities and the possibilities of diverse and responsive proclivities to keenness. One that kind of pfluffs like a fat yellow cushion inside their minds and callously invalidates independant expression and meta-systemic organisation.
Yes, it is true that I never want to go to America for this reason; that from the pallor of their skin and the quality of their eyes (dull, it seems to me and that is a cause for concern), and from the arrangement of their skeletons (the girth of their bones perceptibly augmented), their food sources are acting upon the population an experiment, or several ill-thought-through experiments on biodiversity, on behaviour. A commercially readjusted pseudo-controlled reality.
It makes my skin numb with the aggressive arrogance of it all, and I am disconcerted by the obtuseness of Americans that I know.
Ponder the attempts some people make to respect and give respect to those who do not respect them.
Monday, June 27, 2005
An entity that made sense Unexpected and unsurprising
monday, the 27th of June
She is more than herself in so many ways. Her household
and the considerations of the offspring who make report to her in the circuits of their own timetables
and the employees who know that there is an invisible weight that is brought to bear - in excess of her face which smiles upon them as they make their schedule. She marks the passing of multiple man-hour days. And more insistently, unspoken, many people meld their conscious activity to her, she who lives not in her own life, but in theirs as their cash-flow incarnate
and the logisticians
the merchants
and the entrepreneurs
the clients
and the restaurant lunches
The priest who makes his mark and the importance of the authority in whom he brings to vast avenues of society some humanity and sense and succour
As she turns in her own life, the visage that is turned to her is the workable guise of an understanding deity
she is always welcome in this house
the people who are with her who know who she was before she took on the lacquer of tangental generation's perceptions
the people who know her beyond knowledge and the details that provide that knowledge
She came in a car with me and she did something unutterably kind. So kind that a great store of magnanimity radiates from the mantle of the Earth and through the torque of its spin. The world is very good
and it is more than human
Tomorrow and the next day it will keep on being and she will
and so will all the things that rely on her likeness a little less permanently.
She is more than herself in so many ways. Her household
and the considerations of the offspring who make report to her in the circuits of their own timetables
and the employees who know that there is an invisible weight that is brought to bear - in excess of her face which smiles upon them as they make their schedule. She marks the passing of multiple man-hour days. And more insistently, unspoken, many people meld their conscious activity to her, she who lives not in her own life, but in theirs as their cash-flow incarnate
and the logisticians
the merchants
and the entrepreneurs
the clients
and the restaurant lunches
The priest who makes his mark and the importance of the authority in whom he brings to vast avenues of society some humanity and sense and succour
As she turns in her own life, the visage that is turned to her is the workable guise of an understanding deity
she is always welcome in this house
the people who are with her who know who she was before she took on the lacquer of tangental generation's perceptions
the people who know her beyond knowledge and the details that provide that knowledge
She came in a car with me and she did something unutterably kind. So kind that a great store of magnanimity radiates from the mantle of the Earth and through the torque of its spin. The world is very good
and it is more than human
Tomorrow and the next day it will keep on being and she will
and so will all the things that rely on her likeness a little less permanently.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
much of
which things define the way you understand the style of life you live?
how much is supported- exclusively- for the pleasure of old men?
really?
how much is supported- exclusively- for the pleasure of old men?
really?
Saturday, June 11, 2005
do a little dance
Saturday, June 11th
like the consistency of pond-weed saturated H2O, like Zurich, remember? the sky is murky and it's dark, too, so the buildings avoid notice.
They are all high-rise here, more spaced out than in comic books.
and the lights in the windows look like eyes with glaucoma.
like the consistency of pond-weed saturated H2O, like Zurich, remember? the sky is murky and it's dark, too, so the buildings avoid notice.
They are all high-rise here, more spaced out than in comic books.
and the lights in the windows look like eyes with glaucoma.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
"By your own logic...", the accomplice took leave
Tuesday, the 7th of June
Television. People over a certain age thought it had stopped. They remembered it as a distinct characteristic of an earlier time, a time when people were still open to the idea that everything was being reduced, and indeed, could be reduced. This was years ago.
But its uses and the urge to represent forged a panoply of mediums, variously as popular as tv.
And there still was tv. Sound, movement and colour. The simplicity of its information, so suited to the anthropological predilection for recognition, delivered a visceral comfort and those who chose could always make it available.
It was lifestyle. A lot of lifestyle was going around though. All of them different, and in different lots, but generally around, no changes there.
One thing was different now. Something from before had stopped.
The overfed old, white men, podging obtuseness as they touched the young, other people's children, dropping words like education, poverty, opportunity.
The images of scrub and anthill and the non-transmission of the dust and the smells.
The silent young and the incredible import instructing and canvassing, canvassing.
A pandemic susceptibility, noted here, in some observations on a condition, known as "rice butt" that afflicts the local population.
Despite its negligible taste and consistency, it is cooked over and over again in the course of millions of lifetimes, and people choose to have a rice dish. I reckon rice has an addictive component.
I don't believe that the body is equipped to process rice, not in these quantities anyway, and while they are being saturated with rice, there is a toll exacted on human bodies by deficiencies in nutrients and valuable minerals.
And by the age of 30, the ablebodied adult population (which is what 30 years old is here - the pinnacle and pivot upon which to hinge and swing the sum-total of understanding in the net of society) are built like tanks.
With every mouthful of excess rice consumption they wage a war on their genetics and physiognomy. In the lifelong process this takes, bone and flesh are inexorably compounded and eventually they look like a sack - smooth-skinned bundles of compromise, mounds of pointless muscle. Boys of 16 to 28 have rice breasts, rice pecs. Girls have puffy forearms and glutinous legs. Like jelly in gladwrap. Everyone has inflated fingers. The skinny ones do not eat.
Television. People over a certain age thought it had stopped. They remembered it as a distinct characteristic of an earlier time, a time when people were still open to the idea that everything was being reduced, and indeed, could be reduced. This was years ago.
But its uses and the urge to represent forged a panoply of mediums, variously as popular as tv.
And there still was tv. Sound, movement and colour. The simplicity of its information, so suited to the anthropological predilection for recognition, delivered a visceral comfort and those who chose could always make it available.
It was lifestyle. A lot of lifestyle was going around though. All of them different, and in different lots, but generally around, no changes there.
One thing was different now. Something from before had stopped.
The overfed old, white men, podging obtuseness as they touched the young, other people's children, dropping words like education, poverty, opportunity.
The images of scrub and anthill and the non-transmission of the dust and the smells.
The silent young and the incredible import instructing and canvassing, canvassing.
A pandemic susceptibility, noted here, in some observations on a condition, known as "rice butt" that afflicts the local population.
Despite its negligible taste and consistency, it is cooked over and over again in the course of millions of lifetimes, and people choose to have a rice dish. I reckon rice has an addictive component.
I don't believe that the body is equipped to process rice, not in these quantities anyway, and while they are being saturated with rice, there is a toll exacted on human bodies by deficiencies in nutrients and valuable minerals.
And by the age of 30, the ablebodied adult population (which is what 30 years old is here - the pinnacle and pivot upon which to hinge and swing the sum-total of understanding in the net of society) are built like tanks.
With every mouthful of excess rice consumption they wage a war on their genetics and physiognomy. In the lifelong process this takes, bone and flesh are inexorably compounded and eventually they look like a sack - smooth-skinned bundles of compromise, mounds of pointless muscle. Boys of 16 to 28 have rice breasts, rice pecs. Girls have puffy forearms and glutinous legs. Like jelly in gladwrap. Everyone has inflated fingers. The skinny ones do not eat.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
but a mere invectory
What if there is no difference between anybody? What if we are all fundamentally part of the same creation and contan identical potentiality to anyone else and all that differentiates us is timing?
What if the long long pattern of the equations and permutations that are encounters over the period of human life on earth is non-repeat, with the pertinent question - does your mind lead you to this point? this is where i get interested in the possibilities of this "unknown" - what manner of things have occured and what entity has been brought into being and then to it's close, and how does this leave us?
If there is no more us, then is there any "what next?" to ask?
Some people think that there are things to attain, or things to jump over, or things to fulfill. Some people march forward in their minds with the invocations of another person's voice keeping them mindful of this prophecy or that.
Some people hoard the milestones that their predecessors have set up and meter out their days through a heraldic calendar of solid futures, each to be sought in the footsteps of their individual totem.
Some people have a lack of faith and rote their experience of light and air to a dogma of projection
of all things for God's sake! (an anachronistic injection from my appreciation of sense)
values imperfectly mediated and faultily voiced by idiots with loudspeakers.
Projection is a lie that covers nothing, it is an unnecessary lie at that. What if the lies of the projectionists were openly regarded as aural fabric that ennable said projectionists to be clothed for the duration of their life on this planet in regalia and insignia that dissemble the abject exploitation they require? What if that was all that stood between us and our own happiness and widespread generosity?
Is that all? Or what more can be said? What more can I say? All the other thoughts that I've been having while I was typing this, which shall be expanded over the next moments and through moments on other time scales, what other things/something elses shall come?
What if there is no such thing as an ending?
There is no such thing as an ending (from my appreciation of sense)
I am elated to ask the question.
What if the long long pattern of the equations and permutations that are encounters over the period of human life on earth is non-repeat, with the pertinent question - does your mind lead you to this point? this is where i get interested in the possibilities of this "unknown" - what manner of things have occured and what entity has been brought into being and then to it's close, and how does this leave us?
If there is no more us, then is there any "what next?" to ask?
Some people think that there are things to attain, or things to jump over, or things to fulfill. Some people march forward in their minds with the invocations of another person's voice keeping them mindful of this prophecy or that.
Some people hoard the milestones that their predecessors have set up and meter out their days through a heraldic calendar of solid futures, each to be sought in the footsteps of their individual totem.
Some people have a lack of faith and rote their experience of light and air to a dogma of projection
of all things for God's sake! (an anachronistic injection from my appreciation of sense)
values imperfectly mediated and faultily voiced by idiots with loudspeakers.
Projection is a lie that covers nothing, it is an unnecessary lie at that. What if the lies of the projectionists were openly regarded as aural fabric that ennable said projectionists to be clothed for the duration of their life on this planet in regalia and insignia that dissemble the abject exploitation they require? What if that was all that stood between us and our own happiness and widespread generosity?
Is that all? Or what more can be said? What more can I say? All the other thoughts that I've been having while I was typing this, which shall be expanded over the next moments and through moments on other time scales, what other things/something elses shall come?
What if there is no such thing as an ending?
There is no such thing as an ending (from my appreciation of sense)
I am elated to ask the question.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)