light fantastic

Monday the 25th of July

the pudgy hands from under the computer console, jerking the other one off, in the cartel of childhood, always must playact, complete with the mock authority voice, the brusque ineffectual smacking away, well aimed slaps, but the legs remain, the legs are out of combat, you know we know you know where the fidelity lies.
and it makes me an anger of sorts, because the deflective sensationalism that makes up most of the reportage on this subject, has groomed indignation to be the first reponse, and in a process of misnaming and batting all the little cruxes that build the symmetry of encroachment and complicity and release and relief away, makes it a vortex of common sense hermetically sealed.
look at me, the kids are screaming. they shriek it. there is a vein of laughter within it, you know the cunning laughter that is closely tempered to cleverness as it winds itself around revelation upon revelation. look at us , we are hurting the other, look at our bad behaviour, you are not invited to our bad behaviour, this is private, this is our choice, look at us. this is private, look at us.
ha, got you there. but nobody has been got, the conventions of respect, autonomy, expression, and protection have got themselves into a tangle in the uncertain terrain of responsability.
to be frank, i am not interested, i know this memory of shadowy anger to be a fake.
i remember maths lessons with clarity here, and water polo, and ballet classes before the teacher arrived, and scavenger animals caught by children beside the club kitchens, and the coldness in my eyes wanting to scream at the white fuck up by the blackboard. Don't be ludicrous. abstract thought and general principals, are an odd screen for an immediate education in neglect and blindness.
So much is a product of bad behaviour. The conditions of today are the product of an earlier set of circumstances. Something happened to somebody once, sort of thing. Things like this will keep on happening, to you, by you, by me, for me, for the ancestors, because it's good for you, because you deserve it, because this is who you are, because this is who we are, for no reason, why are you asking so many questions, why are you asking such stupid questions.

Mothers who cannot protect their children for one - who are mothers today because they were unprotected and who receive no societal fortification today, cut down and endlessly self-justifying. Subscribing to rationalisations for their own inferiority, invented by the people whose existence they support.