It might begin like this

sunday 31 october

The wind picked up. The concrete would set quickly over the evening. In two days the fence would stand and the house could be viewed from all angles. The sun would rise and set behind the boatsheds beyond the fence. The people would approach and recede against the strands of reinforced wire. It would be very pleasant to look out from a dawn kitchen and know that in the visible darkness something enclosed you. To know that in the visible darkness something as substantial as your own flesh, innocent and familiar, was doing as much nothing as ever. These things were good to know when you were a somnambulant pupae. Three holes remained, a flat residue of urea and earth over the workmen's efforts. Over all the efforts of all the people in the world that ever were.
One must put on contact lenses and go to the club. There had been no electricity for three weeks. Beef and pizza and much fish had been prepared and consumed at the waterfront in this time. If communism involved sundowners and collective barbeques in a meeting place of grainy stones and sticky tables as joie de vivre was known in that place, it hardly seemed plausible to be framed as a revolution, more acquiescence to common sense. If there is water I will be able to put on my contact lenses and be good looking. This was important for making things easier and understanding reasons. For many things, as you will see.

Dehydrated Exhilaration

saturday 30 october

a slightly euphoric drained sensation resides in my veins. Or maybe it's in the breathing in. I feel cradled by some benevolent satya, like I'm in the crook of an insubstantial arm. Rehearsal went from 10 - 4, would you countenance, el manic/manichaeo is so far inside the glass box the reason that he can't hear the sun cannot be explained by young-at-heart physics teacher. The lines of communication were on fire today; working overtime to connect and to challenge and to ask and to encourage and to soothe. The beast was unbeastlike so our attempts might just have effects over time. Numerous sleeps might evince some conception of how we might proceed. We want to proceed with directorial input. The true proportions of the beast are constrained like those supermangled watermelons. Tell me I don't want to teach English in Japan. The glass will only go if we wish hard enough and we will only wish if we all feel it. In short, I am kwisha'd by working 5 ways at once while deferring to the fat controller. And he yelled at his nearest support. So anyway she knows what she's doing, she's in it for her. Quite like her now.
ThenI had starbucks with mum.
How many countries have a starbucks franchise? Do the American embassies have little starbucks cells in their clubs? The freakiest aryan nation epitome would be starbucks available on missile launch vessels. Ow that hurts like a hammer in the elbow.
Maybe when sleep comes it will be regenerative. The night before last, something happened in the world, that hasn't been reported on bbc yet, but I woke up and it was cold and something in the world has stopped.

What do you know that makes sense of the world?

tuesday 26 october
The Bone People
Of Human Bondage
Cannery Row
Wide Sargasso Sea
The Love of Stones
I Can Read The Sky
The God of Small Things
Eleven Minutes
To Esmé with love and squalor
My Brother
Jonathon Livingstone Seagull
~ Dorothy Parker ~
Brick Lane

digital karma

sunday 24 october
an amazing, funny, astute, sartorial, collection of jokes and understood looks visited. my friend rocks. i am so glad to be their friend. if you need proof the world is good.
good luck, my friend and calmness and excitement.
we get the same intakes of breath.
Truth telling exists in the quality of the silences.

Trying to love you yesterday

friday, 22 october
Trying to love you yesterday

i’m sure it’s possible
it will happen,
i only hope, the way i want it to

the things other people have read about
are beyond my reach,
the speed of someone else’s journey

a flower i didn’t see
the change of air
the iron taste of all the iron everywhere
a twoway mirror, the reason it is so easy

a harmony needs to be struck
that is when it will happen.

whatever can be accorded

thursday, october 20

For some people, infinity is not for them and what they are. Infinity isn’t for some people, and yet we are all part of it. Sometimes I don’t know why I do things. Maybe people who do are just fooling themselves.

Much and all is elided over. All and much is elided for the absurd indulgence of the craven creed of Respect in the eyes of other men.

Houses are just places where men fuck women. Men fuck men everywhere else. A house is a place for plumbing. Covered plumbing systems inside a house. And also stops the wind.

I just don’t want to lie next to somebody and be lonely.

But then, again, sometimes you think just leave people to each other. People deserve each other; everyone gets what it is they need in their cycle of stupidness. And then I think, what about for the intelligent ones? What about for the ones like me? Oh, I do not want to be left to the wildernesses of the jovial and the quag. It is a burden to all thought – to be left at the mercy of the addled and the strong. That I would, will, not be left. That I have recourse.

So for the ones like me
For the ones like me, and me, we are the others’ recourse. Which is a very funny thing that we can only project through and across the generations. It is a curious thing that we cannot communicate. It is as though our communion is enacted through our powers of imagination, to the extent of our imaginations. An entirely intellectual communion. And not an organic communion. An interiorly physical communion.

Goddamn, are books sacred?

Trees in Berlin

thursday, october 20
Upstanding twigs

When you have glass then you have a clear view of modified nature. You then become separated from nature and more cognizant of what is around you, of it, of what it is and how it is distorted is what you are lesserly aware of of necessity. And of where you are.

It’s a play about control, and autonomy and manipulation. The manifestation of identity.
You know how they take up spheres and these spheres of identity, of identities, machinate upon each other in such this tragedious way. It’s a slow rolling to resolution, and the vital part of the ball is Desdemona.
I love her vitality and I love her love for Othello. That is what I know, Desedemona’s love for Othello is the biggest and the least consequential part of the play. The inconsequentialness of her the psychic or moral weight of all the motivations and justifications of the play.
I think in 'Othello', Shakespeare has gifted us with a playing field of an equality/array of philosophies.
And the human heart of the play is Desdemona. Her heart is what she gives and what we take for granted. It is a role of magnificent relation; it is so reactive and chemical and the energy is what I want to know. I want to know how it is that she wants.

The obfuscation and machination of Iago – the conversation between men – is the crafted significance of the play; the figure of Desdemona has a truth in it to an extent more than linguistics and yet this truth and this figure of truth is vulnerable to the susceptibilities of Othello’s self doubt.
The play is about Othello – everything in it touches upon him, takes its’ course from his psychology.

We have the same unknowing determination. I want to learn the ways that I don’t recognize

peut-etre il n'ya des questions, peut-etre il n'ya qu' un question

thursday, 14 october

Is it important to love the stupid?
est-il question?

electricity is untidy

tuesday 11 october

thing is i don't know what i think and yet everyone seems to constantly be asking for my opinion or is that my misapprehension and this is a social mechanism a way of connecting obliquely because otherwise we'd all be running backwards from each other and hiding behind buildings and excusing ourselves to go to the bathroom even though we're not needing to go and taking coffee breaks and texting in group situations.
now i know i don't have an opinion. sometimes i talk to find out what i might think and how i might think and how others react to what is said but an opinion is a technique. Conversational gambit. this is the first time i have used this word and i find it ugly. having an opinion is overrated.

When i was alive a few years ago, i wanted to write a book without using words. i know the story it occurs in the nexus of my mind that unformed thing aptitude potential forever time and the electron position.

could

In a week it's petrol free day. We'll see.

Indeed, you mistake me for a magpie

wednesday, 5th october
I got a new eftpos card today, it has sparkles on it. And it expires in 2009. I think I'll be able to make the 500 in there stretch that long, what are the choices - one trampoline contains fun enough for 5 years, Starbucks shortterm stimulus yes let me rent my euphoria ~ SIDEBAR Put my identity on hire purchase, (hic) like that pretence isn't pre-empted ~ buy underwear, buy shoes, call it the chocolate ginger fund it is.
Why is there so much pink plastic in the dusty places in the world?
Salsa tonight was so good! 3 other people smelt good, real fragrance and clean. Like they have a real sense of themselves and a social sense too. One - not one of these ones - has this soporific smile on their face much of the time like there is a goldfish swimming behind their eyes and tickling them in a vague and constant way. This fish is why they have trouble connecting their body to the music. It's ok just so long as they don't think it's easy to talk to me and make such strong and attractive approaches such as "I don't know if I should ask this but I thought I would take the chance and ask you if you want to go out sometime" and expect that I will respond with emphatic yes, telepathically understanding where and when and to what, and happy karma how many kids do you want?
Icky picky so stupid ikdedik. So obvious only the stupid fall into it.
There is always a point of beauty, and it is all the more sharp if you look at the skyline.